Summer breeze makes me feel fine

Summer has been well, HOT, first and foremost. Other than that, it has been amazing. Birthday parties, playdates, get togethers, as well as:

- Jewel's 8th birthday was a success. We had over 50 people over at my Dad's, swimming. My Dad rented an enormous water slide that everyone would climb up and slide right into the pool. We had a baby pool set up in a shaded area, an ice cream sundae DIY buffet, pizza, music (Jewel and I made a custom play list that my sis played on her laptop), a face painter, and games.

- We bought a boat. Well, Billy kind of just told me he had bought a boat. I was a little hesitant on his purchase but it was already a done deal. It's a 20 foot pontoon boat that we've taken out on the lake. The first time we took it out, we ended up having 10 people on it (all of us, my sis and her BF, my Dad, and a few friends). It was more fun than I had anticipated and we look forward to taking it out again. B has taken it out a few times without me with his friends while I bask in peace and quiet at home. The area of the lake that we have docked at is about a 45 minute drive from our house.

- we've had a few staycations-we've stayed at the Golden Nugget Hotel, where they have a 2 story slide that slides right through a huge salt water aquarium filled with sharks and fish. It's nice to be able to swim next to the aquarium. We've also stayed at the Hard Rock where they have a beach entrance pool and a water slide as well.


- The kids have been FISH. We go to my Dad's to swim, as well as meet my friend Becky and her son at a Lagoon area near her house.


- B, Jake & I went to California this past weekend. It was a short little trip to Santa Monica Pier. We played on the pier and swam in the ocean, then watched stock car racing at the track at Irwindale, CA. It's amazing what a small world the racing community is. We recognized a lot of the drivers who were out there, from when they also race here in Vegas.

- been spending a lot of time with the ladies and kiddos from playgroup. The friend vibe I have is still positive, considering all the friend drama I had in the past year. My faith in friends had almost completely diminished, but I am comfortable with the people I've been surrounding myself with.
* my circle of friends has changed a lot in the past year. Friendships have faded and people have drifted. I've also strengthened relationships with others in my life who I didnt expect to get close to. Of course I'm always disappointed at the drifting/fading, but such is life, I suppose.


- I never mentioned the Bake for Hope (for breast cancer) bake sale that I did on Cinco De Mayo! It was a blast! basically, it was a bake sale and the proceeds went to the Susan G Komen foundation. We ended up getting SOOOO many baked goods. Not a lot of customers, but the experience was amazing and I look forward to doing it again next May.

- RACING has taken up a lot of family's time. B is FINALLY finished with his new car, which is why I get to race his old car. Between completing the new car AND painting both of them and still maintaining both cars, it's been a sweaty bunch of hard work!

- if it's not racecars, it's BASEBALL. Kai's Little League season is over, finally. His team made it to the championship game, then it was the tournament of champions for 2 weeks, THEN he had made it on the All Star team which was another whole week of games. Now that Little League is over, of course his year round team is in full swing. I sat in the sweltering humid heat of 104 on July 2nd to man their team's fireworks stand for a fundraiser. Then last Saturday, I woke up at the buttcrack of dawn to do a team flapjack fundraiser at Applebee's.

- Kai left for California this morning to spend the weekend with a friend from his baseball team. They are going to Knott's Berry Farm on Thursday, to Huntington Beach on Friday, then on Saturday they are meeting my ex (Kai's Dad Jason) in L.A. because Jason's Aunt is coming from Hawaii. I'm nervous about Kai traveling with this family to somewhere that I'm not immediately able to get to him.

- Been doing a few photoshoots for my sister, brother and Katie and her fiance. It was the first time I did an engagement session. The photoshoot of my sister was the first time I did a shoot at night, and the lighting aspect was SO tricky. This is why I'll not pursue this as more than just a hobby.


- still chugging away at the whole house redo. Projects are still slowly being completed. The current project is the kitchen lighting. It was a really harsh fluorescent light fixture in there and as much time as I spend in the kitchen, I really wanted it replaced. This involved sanding a great deal of ceiling, retexturing and repainting. The whole downstairs has been a mess because of the dust from the sanding. It's finally almost done. I've finally decided to tear out the carpeting in the living room and continue the dark cherry wood from the dining room into the living room. This will be B's next project, after the kitchen lighting. Did I mention that every single project we've done to the house, B has done himself? After the living room flooring will be a complete overhaul of the backyard. It's a jungle out there, literally.


I am looking forward to the month of August (in dated order)


- August 5th-9th-camping in my favorite area of Utah: Pine Valley.

- August 14th-17th- my Texas bestie, Hope, is coming from San Antonio to stay with me!

- August 21st- my next race in the dirt. B's racing that night too of course, so he can lap me with his new fast as lightning car.


I'm SO excited to show Hope around my 'spots' in the city. We both need this time together. I have a feeling the days she is here will be late nights involving lots of talking and laughs <3

Late night babbling of a lovestruck wife

"He loves you a lot, you know. I can tell because I see the notes he leaves you, I see the way he does anything and everything you want, just so you could have an easy day".

This past Saturday, as my Dad and I sat under a big shaded tree watching Kai's baseball game, we have a conversation about my marriage.



You've read our story a hundred times. Newly turned 21 year old boy meets 26 year old Mom of 2. The odds were against us. Yet, it's turned out to be something so intense, so passionate, so loving, caring, trusting. So RIGHT.

I spend my weekdays yearning for him while he's at work, sending him 'I miss you' or 'I want to fuck you' texts. I hear his truck pull up and sneak a look out the blinds, beyond excited to just get a glimpse of him. He always comes into the house, grins, and greets me with a "Hey". Usually, I shoot a smile back and hug him. Sometimes, my restraint goes out the window and I'm grabbing him all lustful like I'm a teenage boy.

He gets to me like no one else does. My worries don't last long when I'm with him. I take pride in being a strong, opinionated person. With him, I don't mind being taken care of, or depending on him emotionally. He has enough strength for us both, and I trust him with all my heart, in every way possible.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm impossible. I'm an overachiever, a neat freak. My expectations are high. I strive for perfection. I am possessive and have a bad temper. He is the exact opposite of me. He has a way of regarding me with such love and understanding that my worries and anger simply evaporate. He is my kryptonite.

He became a Stepdad at the age of 23. He had an important place in Kai & Jewel's life even before that. He has made the same parenting decisions that I would make. He is loving, fair, firm, and fun. We share values and dreams. I've never felt like him & the kids were two separate parts of my family. The way he interacts with the kids is the biggest part of why I love him.

I never pictured myself with someone like him. Raised on a farm, up early to feed the animals, and home late after baseball, basketball or football practice. Dirty blond and blue eyed. Works on cars, rides dirt bikes, races cars, plays ball, and can fix ANYTHING. I love my hardworking dirty boy. His grit is so sexy to me. He attempts to clean up and get dressed up on the occasion that dressing up is needed, but I'd much rather see him in jeans and a t.

We do things we both enjoy. This past weekend, I raced in the same division as him, on a dirt track. It was intimidating as hell, with him speeding past me because of course he was in the lead (AND won both of our races that night), but that huge interest that we have in common has definitely fueled our passion. We love being outdoors camping, riding our ATVs, watching races, and sitting back watching the kids, in amazement that they belong to US.

He brushes my arm with his fingers and that effortless gesture from him feels like electricity running through me. Not to mention the sex is still fucking amazing.

So how in the fuck does someone like him love ME? I mean, he must, right? he wouldn't have stuck around this long if he didn't. I know he doesn't appeal to everyone, but he fits my soul, my heart. A love story not out of the ordinary, but feeling like a fairy tale. I daydream about us. I make plans for us, as a family.

I don't want to ever not be with him. I want us to always be this way, the way we are now. I love him so much that I refuse to think about any part of us changing for any reason. It's too painful for me to think about.

I will love him for my lifetime, but mine nor his lifetime is not a guarantee. So tomorrow, I'll kiss him goodbye in the morning, miss him all day, and melt into his arms when he gets home. Because I love him, and, somehow, he loves me.


You and I, forever ever.