October already?

September FLEW. I mean FLEW by.

Busy. What's new? Don't I always say that?

I think it's safe to say that I have a free half hour to update:

First, the good:

I've started using a day planner. You know, like a mini pocket calendar? I'm totally old school that way, even though my fancy phone has a calendar. I use my fancy phone for 3 things-phone calls, texting, and keeping the kids busy in a pinch. They like the stool scanner app.

Anyway, the day planner has items on it every.single.day. Photo shoots for parents at my school, baseball practices, tournaments, games, racing. Parties, get togethers.

Planning a Halloween bash, a trip to an awesome pumpkin patch in Utah, and Katie's bridal shower. Our Disneyland trip (just B & I) has been rescheduled because the pumpkin patch trip to Utah can only be done in October, and it turns out we only have one free weekend this month.


Work has kept me BUSY. My 6 hour day flies by. I get there and the next thing I know, it's time to leave. It's a good thing. I rather work and be productive, you know? Sometimes I wish I worked full time just to be able to finish all that I need to do, but the work can be done the following day, and the students will be there when I get back the following day.


Kai's running for student council President. I'm not sure he has the popularity factor going for him, he's more of the book worm type. I am so proud of him for even taking the initiative to run. How did I luck out and get such an amazing 10 year old?

I dropped Kai off at school today at 6am-he left on his big 5th grade field trip to the San Bernardino mountains in California to a place called the Pali Institute. He won't be back until Wednesday evening. He loves all things outdoorsy and science related, I know he is going to have a wonderful time.

http://www.paliinstitute.com/



Jake started tball, and I forgot how ADORABLE 3 and 4 year olds look in their little uniforms. Jake is definitely more outgoing than Kai was at that age. He'll yell out, "Coach! I gotta go pee!" in the middle of a game, and run off the field to go pee. He is a CRACK UP. He's still very much interested in auto mechanics. His current obsessions are Halloween, skulls, and the BP oil spill. He's very concerned about the ocean animals and birds that were involved in the spill, and draws pictures of them a lot.

Jake's been doing great with the workbook preschool work that we do together. My Mother in law is very involved in the work as well-she has a copy of the workbooks at her home as well.



Jewel has found her quirk. She loves fashion. The different textures and colors interest her. She has taken a liking to dressing funky-brightly colored tights or leggings with a denim skirt, a necklace and chunky boots, or skinny jeans, flats, a funky patterned shirt and a scarf. She's very artsy and is still very much interested in painting, drawing and writing.

Jewel is starting hip hop dance classes tonight. She has also been signed up for the next theater workshop there. I love her dance/gymnastics school. It's a conservatory of the arts so there many choices of what type of dance and activities to do.

Billy & I drove to Colorado the other weekend. We spent 13+ hours in the car to and from his hometown in Colorado, and never once had a quiet moment. Wait, I lied. It was quiet when he fell asleep =) It was a quick trip-we spent the time with his childhood friends as well as cousins.


I love my siblings. My sister moved into my condo, which is about 6 minutes away from our house. She picks me up for coffee, we stop at my Dad's house since it's on the way to mine. My brother is there and we just hang out, talking. I'm in my PJ's the whole time, peeing with the door open so that I won't miss any of the conversation that we're having. That's just the way we are.



..and for balance, some of the 'icky'. I won't say they're 'bad' things, they're just things that I could definitely be fine without.


My Dad is getting a divorce. My stepmom and him have been together for 13 years. The day after Labor Day, him and I had a long talk about things. We all knew that he hasn't been happy with her, and vice versa. When I used to ask him if he was happy, he's say that he's 'content'. I told him that being content isn't enough. She's moving out in two weeks.

I think a lot, and worry a lot about my Dad and stepdad. They both will be single men in their early 50's. I just want them to be happy. I wish my Mom were here. I wish I had the strength to be able to do something to make them happy. I know that ultimately, you make your own happiness, but why can't a daughter assist in helping a Dad (and stepdad) find their happiness?

The older I get, the more I notice that I've somehow become the glue of the family. I have merged my step family (my stepdad, cousins, my littlest brother), my Dad's family, my Mom's family, AND my inlaws. Relatives from every side of the family gather at my home on Thanksgiving and Christmas. When there is a get together to be planned, everyone looks to me to be in charge of this. That is the part that I enjoy immensely. However, the part about wishing I could do more to make my loved ones happy can be an enormous responsibility at times.


Also, my Dad has a mole on his nose. Biopsy results show stage 1 melanoma. As if Dad's not going through enough already. He's treating it like a minor procedure. He does this a lot to my Grandma and I. He doesn't want us to worry. *HE* was the glue and the support of his family. I wish he could see that it's OK to be supported when he needs it.

Dad gets back from Hawaii in a few days, we shall see what happens next with the melanoma. Of course, this will take major monitoring of any and all moles. Luckily, this stage doesn't seem as serious, but with what happened with my Mom, there is always a feeling of dread, when it comes to things like this.



Another issue-I have really bad self esteem right now. My face has broken out horribly the past few months, and it has not recovered. I have never had blemishes this bad in my life, and now in my 30's, I am experiencing adult acne. I know that this has to be due to stress or my hormones being off balance, I suppose. My diet has not changed. I have actually lost some weight (hello, size 2 bridesmaid dress! But I ordered a 4 'just in case' because I fluctuate). My face hates me. I am so embarrassed even to be around B. Somehow, B has been extra affectionate and our sex life (TMI) has been AMAZING lately, but I don't understand it. I look like a 14 year old girl with bad skin.


I left a lot of things in between, but you get the gist. We're just living, the best way we know how.


Jake's tball



Waiting to bat



High fiving a teammate after running home




Running home




B & Jake on 3rd base (B helps coach)




On 2nd





Batting






...dropping Kai off this morning at school for his big field trip




Hauling luggage and checking in ("Mom, don't take pics right now")




The bus




Getting on the bus

Back to schoooool

Time. There is not nearly enough in the day. List form update.


Work

I went back to work 2 weeks ago, with staff meetings all week our first week, and the first week of school last week. This school year has promised many positive changes. The new Administration (Executive Director, etc) is a breath of fresh air.

Our goal is to become the first charter school, actually, the first SCHOOL in the state to be technologically advanced. Upon the completion of our new campus by next school year (as well as the merging of ALL grades at one campus), we will use Apple products and be trained to use the tools available to us, making both our staff and our students ahead of the game.


The local news featured our school in an almost 3 minute segment, and of course our phones have been ringing nonstop. It's great that our school is finally getting some overdue exposure, but this means that my job is ten times busier.

Here is the article and video clip from the news last week:

http://www.8newsnow.com/global/story.asp?s=13092762


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Personal Me

As always, I've been keeping busy. Get togethers with family and playgroup friends. Delving into books and cookbooks. Racing. Volunteer work. I am also going to enroll in school in the Winter or Spring. I missed the Fall deadline by 2 days. Too much was going on.

I won't have a Major. I have my ECE degree, as well as being licensed to sell Insurance. Going back is strictly for self enrichment. I plan on taking philosophy, astronomy, culinary, photography and auto mechanics. If something interests me specifically and they offer a certification program, I may pursue that. I want to show my kiddos that there is nothing wrong with constant learning and enrichment in your life.



Me and B

He is sweet and strong. Sweet to me when I need him to be, and strong for me when I need him to be. We aren't perfect. He drives me fucking angry sometimes. My moodiness annoys him. But it's what makes it interesting. When the annoyance and anger has subsided, we laugh at the ridiculousness of our petty little arguments, hug it out, and move on.

What can I say that I have not said about him? He has my heart, he occupies my mind, and he is my soulmate. I truly believe that.

I am reading a coffee table style book right now, full of black and white glossy pictures of couples who have been together for more than 30 years. True, real, bittersweet, humorous, heart wrenching stories. I smile and think how I hope to be able to be in a book like that one day. 70 years old and being able to tell 'our' story to someone.

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Kiddos

Forever growing by leaps and bounds. What did I do before them? Almost 32 years old and only having been a Mom for 10 years. I've done and seen so many things before I was a Mom, but it feels like my *life* didn't start until I became a Mom.


Kai

He is in the 5th grade now. His last year in elementary school. This makes me anxious. He is a sweetheart, a great student. He's caring of his classmates. He always has stories about classmates who get made fun of, and he worries for them. He is quite the softie in comparison to the typical 10 year old boy. I hope he doesn't get eaten alive in middle school.

Kai has quite the schedule this Fall. I am very glad that he is able to have these wonderful opportunities:

- Baseball tournament this weekend here in Las Vegas

- Trip to Utah with his Dad & Stepmom to stay in a cabin at the end of September

- 1st week of October-school field trip to California to attend the Pali Institute. This is their big 5th grade tournament. This is an overnight trip (2 nights!) with all of his classmates

- 2nd week of October-Trip to Washington DC with my Stepdad to watch a Redskins game. This will be his 2nd NFL game. He will also enjoy sightseeing and get to see many historical monuments.

- Halloween weekend-baseball tournament in California with (another) trip to Knott's Berry (Scary) Farm.

He deserves everything his heart desires. He's not perfect, but he tries his hardest. He has maintained his Principal's List/Honor Roll status since Kindergarten. He is a great helper and an amazing older brother.


Jewel

Jewel soaks up all the attention she gets from being the only girl in the family. My sister takes her out for lunches and girl days that involve manicures, pedicures, and new clothes. My MIL takes her out for Grandma/Granddaughter days as well.

Jewel has excelled in gymnastics. She has moved up another level. She has always been very thin, but now she is gaining a muscular figure. She has mastered back bends, and is working on perfecting her cartwheels on the balance beam and her head stands.

But of course, NOW she doesn't want to be in gymnastics. So I've signed her up to start Hip Hop dancing on Monday nights instead. Luckily her school is the Conservatory of the Arts so the location stays the same as where her gym was, except dance class is on a different day. She has also been signed up for theater at the same school. She didn't want to participate in the current workshop, which is Aladdin. The next 'production' will be sometime in November/early December, so she will start then.

Jewel has gotten A's & B's always, but this year she seems to have a new attitude about school. Last year, she got very frustrated easily, and in my weekly email communication with her teacher, she was always missing an assignment. We determined that she had completed everything but didn't always turn it in because she was afraid it was incorrect. Leading to the frustration on not being able to figure it out. Her weak subject seems to be Math (she took after her Momma). Jason & I had considered getting her a tutor, but B worked with her and figured out a way she was 'learning' to do things in her head, and we rolled with it. Tutoring is still an option, if the same issue arises this year.

I think Jewel's positive attitude has to do with this year's teacher. She was the teacher that Kai had for 3rd grade, and she is one of my favorites. Jewel is excited to please this particular teacher.


Jake

He is 3, going on 18. I've never had a child *think* the way Jake thinks. It's not normal toddler logic. He spends a lot of his time 'figuring things out'. He'll take apart tires, or vehicles (he calls them vehicles,not cars). He always wants to know how things work. He also has a very strong personality. He has strong opinions on how things should be done.

He's officially potty trained and sleeping on his own bed. We co-slept up until a few weeks ago. Is it strange that we kinda miss being able to cuddle him at night?

Jake wants to be treated like an older child. Of course, it's because he has older siblings and when they're not around, mine and B's friends give him all the attention he could ever want.

We've been researching preschools for him, and we've decided on a private Lutheran school that is literally right across the little street from my school. Conveniently, I've been in their classrooms, because that's where Jewel's Girl Scout meetings were. He is VERY excited to start school.

Jake will be going to preschool most likely on Mondays, for a few hours. I feel more comfortable teaching him at home (SOOO many resources donated to me from my school and parents that I have enough to have my own classroom at home). I just want him to get a feel for the social setting and schedule in school, so Kindergarten won't be a shock.

Kindergarten isn't for another almost 3 years, but I know that he will be attending my work, if not, Kai & Jewel's school. I am more than confident and happy with both choices.

Jake starts T-Ball on Monday. He is THRILLED to start. Kai started when he was a few months older than Jake and his attention span was pretty so-so, and I think Jake will be the same way. It's a comical thing to watch-a bunch of older toddlers trying to grasp the concept of a game, as well as its rules, AND try to coordinate themselves to hit a ball and run to a base. I think B & I are just as excited as Jake is.


Jake and Jewel's activities are both on Monday evenings, and Kai's had practice on random days, depending what tournaments they are going to be in. This is on top of working part time, dinner, homework, cleaning, racing and fixing cars, doing little home renovation projects, doing Admin stuff on our race team website, and attempting to still volunteer once a month. Oh, and I signed up for the PTA. Life has been crazy hectic since the return to school schedule. I've been waking up at the buttcrack of dawn to get a moment of peace, and to enjoy some coffee before I wake the kids to start our day. My favorite part of the day is waking the kids while the sun is rising, so the sunlight hits their faces perfectly. It's a simple pleasure, and I love being their Mom.


Here are a few from the first day of school. All 3 kids are anti-camera but I got a few

Wordless Wednesday

With Summer coming to an end, I thought I'd do a wordless Wednesday post with some of my favorite photos of our Summer. It was a gorgeous, HOT, fun, and BUSY Summer. Just the way we like it. From camping in our favorite national park in Utah, trips to the lake to enjoy our boat, to trips to California, stays at local hotels for their swimming pools, baseball tournaments, birthday parties. We've enjoyed and have been thankful for it all.

The kiddos start school on August 30th. They are excited to go back.

Summer breeze makes me feel fine

Summer has been well, HOT, first and foremost. Other than that, it has been amazing. Birthday parties, playdates, get togethers, as well as:

- Jewel's 8th birthday was a success. We had over 50 people over at my Dad's, swimming. My Dad rented an enormous water slide that everyone would climb up and slide right into the pool. We had a baby pool set up in a shaded area, an ice cream sundae DIY buffet, pizza, music (Jewel and I made a custom play list that my sis played on her laptop), a face painter, and games.

- We bought a boat. Well, Billy kind of just told me he had bought a boat. I was a little hesitant on his purchase but it was already a done deal. It's a 20 foot pontoon boat that we've taken out on the lake. The first time we took it out, we ended up having 10 people on it (all of us, my sis and her BF, my Dad, and a few friends). It was more fun than I had anticipated and we look forward to taking it out again. B has taken it out a few times without me with his friends while I bask in peace and quiet at home. The area of the lake that we have docked at is about a 45 minute drive from our house.

- we've had a few staycations-we've stayed at the Golden Nugget Hotel, where they have a 2 story slide that slides right through a huge salt water aquarium filled with sharks and fish. It's nice to be able to swim next to the aquarium. We've also stayed at the Hard Rock where they have a beach entrance pool and a water slide as well.


- The kids have been FISH. We go to my Dad's to swim, as well as meet my friend Becky and her son at a Lagoon area near her house.


- B, Jake & I went to California this past weekend. It was a short little trip to Santa Monica Pier. We played on the pier and swam in the ocean, then watched stock car racing at the track at Irwindale, CA. It's amazing what a small world the racing community is. We recognized a lot of the drivers who were out there, from when they also race here in Vegas.

- been spending a lot of time with the ladies and kiddos from playgroup. The friend vibe I have is still positive, considering all the friend drama I had in the past year. My faith in friends had almost completely diminished, but I am comfortable with the people I've been surrounding myself with.
* my circle of friends has changed a lot in the past year. Friendships have faded and people have drifted. I've also strengthened relationships with others in my life who I didnt expect to get close to. Of course I'm always disappointed at the drifting/fading, but such is life, I suppose.


- I never mentioned the Bake for Hope (for breast cancer) bake sale that I did on Cinco De Mayo! It was a blast! basically, it was a bake sale and the proceeds went to the Susan G Komen foundation. We ended up getting SOOOO many baked goods. Not a lot of customers, but the experience was amazing and I look forward to doing it again next May.

- RACING has taken up a lot of family's time. B is FINALLY finished with his new car, which is why I get to race his old car. Between completing the new car AND painting both of them and still maintaining both cars, it's been a sweaty bunch of hard work!

- if it's not racecars, it's BASEBALL. Kai's Little League season is over, finally. His team made it to the championship game, then it was the tournament of champions for 2 weeks, THEN he had made it on the All Star team which was another whole week of games. Now that Little League is over, of course his year round team is in full swing. I sat in the sweltering humid heat of 104 on July 2nd to man their team's fireworks stand for a fundraiser. Then last Saturday, I woke up at the buttcrack of dawn to do a team flapjack fundraiser at Applebee's.

- Kai left for California this morning to spend the weekend with a friend from his baseball team. They are going to Knott's Berry Farm on Thursday, to Huntington Beach on Friday, then on Saturday they are meeting my ex (Kai's Dad Jason) in L.A. because Jason's Aunt is coming from Hawaii. I'm nervous about Kai traveling with this family to somewhere that I'm not immediately able to get to him.

- Been doing a few photoshoots for my sister, brother and Katie and her fiance. It was the first time I did an engagement session. The photoshoot of my sister was the first time I did a shoot at night, and the lighting aspect was SO tricky. This is why I'll not pursue this as more than just a hobby.


- still chugging away at the whole house redo. Projects are still slowly being completed. The current project is the kitchen lighting. It was a really harsh fluorescent light fixture in there and as much time as I spend in the kitchen, I really wanted it replaced. This involved sanding a great deal of ceiling, retexturing and repainting. The whole downstairs has been a mess because of the dust from the sanding. It's finally almost done. I've finally decided to tear out the carpeting in the living room and continue the dark cherry wood from the dining room into the living room. This will be B's next project, after the kitchen lighting. Did I mention that every single project we've done to the house, B has done himself? After the living room flooring will be a complete overhaul of the backyard. It's a jungle out there, literally.


I am looking forward to the month of August (in dated order)


- August 5th-9th-camping in my favorite area of Utah: Pine Valley.

- August 14th-17th- my Texas bestie, Hope, is coming from San Antonio to stay with me!

- August 21st- my next race in the dirt. B's racing that night too of course, so he can lap me with his new fast as lightning car.


I'm SO excited to show Hope around my 'spots' in the city. We both need this time together. I have a feeling the days she is here will be late nights involving lots of talking and laughs <3

Late night babbling of a lovestruck wife

"He loves you a lot, you know. I can tell because I see the notes he leaves you, I see the way he does anything and everything you want, just so you could have an easy day".

This past Saturday, as my Dad and I sat under a big shaded tree watching Kai's baseball game, we have a conversation about my marriage.



You've read our story a hundred times. Newly turned 21 year old boy meets 26 year old Mom of 2. The odds were against us. Yet, it's turned out to be something so intense, so passionate, so loving, caring, trusting. So RIGHT.

I spend my weekdays yearning for him while he's at work, sending him 'I miss you' or 'I want to fuck you' texts. I hear his truck pull up and sneak a look out the blinds, beyond excited to just get a glimpse of him. He always comes into the house, grins, and greets me with a "Hey". Usually, I shoot a smile back and hug him. Sometimes, my restraint goes out the window and I'm grabbing him all lustful like I'm a teenage boy.

He gets to me like no one else does. My worries don't last long when I'm with him. I take pride in being a strong, opinionated person. With him, I don't mind being taken care of, or depending on him emotionally. He has enough strength for us both, and I trust him with all my heart, in every way possible.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm impossible. I'm an overachiever, a neat freak. My expectations are high. I strive for perfection. I am possessive and have a bad temper. He is the exact opposite of me. He has a way of regarding me with such love and understanding that my worries and anger simply evaporate. He is my kryptonite.

He became a Stepdad at the age of 23. He had an important place in Kai & Jewel's life even before that. He has made the same parenting decisions that I would make. He is loving, fair, firm, and fun. We share values and dreams. I've never felt like him & the kids were two separate parts of my family. The way he interacts with the kids is the biggest part of why I love him.

I never pictured myself with someone like him. Raised on a farm, up early to feed the animals, and home late after baseball, basketball or football practice. Dirty blond and blue eyed. Works on cars, rides dirt bikes, races cars, plays ball, and can fix ANYTHING. I love my hardworking dirty boy. His grit is so sexy to me. He attempts to clean up and get dressed up on the occasion that dressing up is needed, but I'd much rather see him in jeans and a t.

We do things we both enjoy. This past weekend, I raced in the same division as him, on a dirt track. It was intimidating as hell, with him speeding past me because of course he was in the lead (AND won both of our races that night), but that huge interest that we have in common has definitely fueled our passion. We love being outdoors camping, riding our ATVs, watching races, and sitting back watching the kids, in amazement that they belong to US.

He brushes my arm with his fingers and that effortless gesture from him feels like electricity running through me. Not to mention the sex is still fucking amazing.

So how in the fuck does someone like him love ME? I mean, he must, right? he wouldn't have stuck around this long if he didn't. I know he doesn't appeal to everyone, but he fits my soul, my heart. A love story not out of the ordinary, but feeling like a fairy tale. I daydream about us. I make plans for us, as a family.

I don't want to ever not be with him. I want us to always be this way, the way we are now. I love him so much that I refuse to think about any part of us changing for any reason. It's too painful for me to think about.

I will love him for my lifetime, but mine nor his lifetime is not a guarantee. So tomorrow, I'll kiss him goodbye in the morning, miss him all day, and melt into his arms when he gets home. Because I love him, and, somehow, he loves me.


You and I, forever ever.