As much as Dad has been the most important man in my life, I am lucky to say that I also have a bonus Dad, who has also been there for me.
...and so begins my attempt at describing just what they mean to me. This only skims the surface, as I have been lucky enough to be blessed with them both for many years and through many memories, both good and bad.
My parents divorced when I was 5. Shortly after, my Mom got remarried. I lived with my Mom, but every single Friday afternoon right after school, Dad was there to pick me up. I never truly felt like a child of divorced parents. They always kept the kids as their top priority.
Dad was the one who I have fond memories of, growing up going to the beach with every weekend, the one I called when I just wanted to chat. I'd watch him play basketball at the Halawa gym for hours, when I was in elementary school. From as early as I can remember, we'd put on music in the car-Hawaiian music or the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack in the car, and sing our hearts out. We knew all the words to the songs on Natalie Cole's 'Unforgettable' album, we belted out every song from the movie 'Mermaids'. Every single Sunday, we'd go to the mall and watch a movie together. He was the heart of the family-always putting together Holiday events, being the one to hide hundreds of Easter eggs at the park, or the one buying every single person in our huge family a gift at Christmas.
When I entered high school, Mom moved to Las Vegas from where we lived in Hawaii, and my sister and I stayed behind to live with Dad. He was officially a single Dad with two girls. We definitely had our moments. I grew even more rebellious, I skipped school, spray painted walls, stole cars. Our father-daughter bond was definitely being put to the test. I was a horrible teenager, but I always knew Dad loved me. He tried hard, balancing having a life of his own, and mixing that with being a single Father. His girlfriends and him never worked out. Sometimes I still feel that it was too much responsibility for them to try to help raise my sister and I.
It took a few years and a life changing experience for me to realize just how much I was putting my Dad through, while I was in high school. Throughout all the disappointments, the rough patches, and the good moments, Dad has ALWAYS been there for me. Never judging, always encouraging and always putting his children first. I read through a box of cards that my Dad has given through the years. He has always started off with 'Dear Brat'. I read them and laugh at how impossible I was growing up, I laugh at how I can feel through his writing just how much he has always wanted the best for me. I admit, I was a brat, both in behavior and with material things.
Since I was a baby, I have always ran to my Dad in my time of need. From cuts and scrapes, to friend problems, boy problems, female problems while I was growing up, which has now turned to marriage problems and parenting problems. I have always depended on him to be my rock, and he has always been there, without a doubt, full of love for his oldest child. He was the first one I called when I got my period, when my best friend and I would fight, when my boyfriend broke my heart, when I needed a ride from anywhere at whatever time; the first one I called when I went and got eloped one night, the first one I called when I found out I was pregnant, the first one I called when I knew my marriage was over. He was the first one I told when Mom died. The first one I called when I knew I was falling in love again and the most inappropriate time in my life. The first one I told when I was proposed to again. The first one I call when I'm proud of something my kiddos have done.
Dad is a wonderful grandfather. He never misses a baseball game or a performance. He is loving and always eager to come over to hang out, or have the kids spend time with him.
I'm the one he calls when he wants to just say hello, or to talk to the kids. Not that we talk on the phone much, because he lives right up the street from me. He is still very much a part of my life, and I can never have it any other way.
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As much as Dad has been the most important man in my life, I am lucky to say that I also have a bonus Dad. Mom remarried when I was 6 years old. I call him my Pops. Pops and I had a very rough relationship while I was growing up. Understandably so. He was trying to earn the love of a 6 year old girl whos father meant the world to her. I felt that I had no room in my life for him. Things didn't get better as I got older. He was more strict than Dad. He had higher expectations. He dealt with the homework and the chores, since I lived with Mom during the school week. I never understood why he was so mean.
Not to say that we never had our good moments. We had amazingly wonderful moments. If I wasn't with my Dad, I'd be with Pop's family, who instantly loved my sister and I like their own family. I love and adore Pop's family and have many, many fond memories of them growing up. I can honestly say that I might be closer to Pop's family than any other part of my family (Mom and Dad's).
Aside from all the fond memories with family, Pops and I had our own private moments. Him & I would collect Transformers and GI Joe. He taught me to surf when I was 6 years old, even showing tough love when I would wipe out and get gashes on my back from the coral reef. We'd make up crazy songs and sing them to my little sister (and then my baby brother when he was born).
Pops and my relationship only truly changed when I moved out, got married and had kids. I would be commended at how clean and tidy my house was, and how neatly my clothes were folded. I set high expectations of myself. I realized that trait was from Pops. He wasn't being mean when I was younger, he was teaching me how to be responsible and tidy. I was terribly shy when I was a kid, so Pops would send me alone into the store to buy a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk, to get over my fear of speaking to people. When Mom got sick with cancer, I helped her go through all her old high school keepsakes and love letters through the years. We came across letters that Pops had written her when they first got married. He would always mention just how much he loved my sister and I.
Pops is a wonderful grandfather as well. He instills the same values and teaches the same responsibilities to my kids as he did me.
Pops and Mom were married until the day she died, in the fall of 2004.
He has always been an important man in my family, but he became the most important man to me during that time. I would not have been able to go on through life as I did, if it weren't for him. He stayed as strong as he could for my siblings and I. As Dad is the one I call during most of my strife, Pops is the one I always call when I think of Mom. All I have to do is call him and say, "I miss Mom". He knows.
When I got married to Billy, my Father walked me down the aisle. We danced to Natalie Cole's version of 'Unforgettable'. Pops said the blessing that night, which was just as important as walking me down the aisle. He mentioned Mom in the blessing, and how she was there with us that day. I needed to hear that. He knew.
Dad was the one to be loving, caring supportive no matter what. Pops was the one to practice tough love. Such different parenting styles and personalities, but a perfect blend that I was lucky to have.
Pops and I don't talk much on the phone either, because he lives on the same main street as Dad, just a few minutes away from us. I am very grateful to say that Dad and Pops are still very much a part of my life, and I can never have it any other way.
Dad
Pops
1 comment:
aww complete sweetness.. Love it. Your dad is such a good guy..I never meet your step dad but if he is even half as cool as your dad then he is super awesome too!!
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