Happy 2011!

2010.

I lived this past year. I learned this past year.

Better yet:

I ate dinner in bed and spilled crumbs all over. I went for days without brushing my hair. I've officially become obsessed with coffee. I kissed in the rain. I laughed a true, deep laugh,many times. I cried, hard, many times. I had meaningless conversations with people that mean everything to me. I was disappointed. I was elated. I felt loved. I fell in love all over again, every day, with the same man. I went on many places outside of the city that I live in, and saw and experienced many new things. I breathed in mountain air. I watched my children catch their first fish, help build a campfire, and play in a forest full of wild baby deer. I smelled the ocean air more than once, and wiggled my toes in warm sand. I shared a churro and a beer with my husband before we went on a roller coaster that looped upside down. I got annoyed with my sister but then realized thats what sisters do, and loved her all over again. I visited one of my best friends and she showed me her town of San Antonio. I closed down the bar in my husbands hometown, then went home and drank more while playing beer pong. I went to a peep show and saw women spread open their legs to reveal their vaginas, and I was with my two best friends, my sister, and another close friend. I threw a surprise party. I threw a bridal shower. I volunteered at a cancer association.I walked for Autism awareness. I walked for Juvenile Diabetes awareness. I missed my Mom every single day. I worried about my Dad. I hated my physical appearance. I doubted myself. I had pretty days. I had days when I felt brilliant and strong. I doubted my parenting skills. I thought I was Supermom. Mostly, I took it all in. Filled my lungs with air and at the same time, took in all that life had given me this year, and tried to make the best of it.

My children. My wonderful children. All of them, growing and blossoming before my very eyes, into such characters. Their traits, habits, likes and dislikes are so clear now, it's been a joy to see them be their own people and find their way. I love looking at them. Taking in Kai's thick lashes that shelter light brown eyes. Taking in Jewel's smile and famous giggle. Taking in Jake's gorgeous skin with a sprinkle of freckles that are showing up on his cheeks. How are they mine? How have I been blessed THREE TIMES with such amazing, healthy children? they're all in bed together, right now. Giggling away, squishing and burrowing on Kai's double sized bottom bunk, trying to get comfy. I want to cry. They love each other. They love ME.

My husband. 2011 will mark our 5 year anniversary. It seems like we are still at the beginning of our journey, being only married 5 years, but we've been through a lot in these past years. Real heavy shit that has only made us stronger, having been there for each other through all the shit. We are renewing our vows in 2011. I want to recite my vows again, I feel like that is how I can show him that I am still committed, with all my heart.

My family. I smile when I think of how close they are. Close as in location and in relationship. My two brothers from different mothers are close. My sister and I are close. My Dad and my stepdad show up at our house all the time, sometimes on the same day, watching sports with us and roaming my kitchen for sweets. My InLaws are amazing and supportive. I love that I can talk to my Mother in Law about anything. My two cousins and I are becoming closer. Now that they're both Moms, we have so much more in common. It's so nice to gather around the table at parties and have so much to talk about.My Grandparents, for loving and adoring me and the kids everytime we see them. My Grandma called me the other day to ask if I could bake her cookies. I immediately went over there to take her some. They have nicknames for the kids. Kai is 'Charlie' because my Grandpa said he resembled Charlie Brown when he was a baby. Jewel is 'Rosy' because she had rosy cheeks as a baby. Jake is 'Rufus' because he looks like a Rufus to my Grandpa. Grandma knits us all homemade blankets. I will never get rid of them, even if they end up in shredded piles of thread.

Friends. This was a big year for my close friends. Katie got engaged, to a friend of Billy's! Hope & I are closer than ever and I had the pleasure of getting to see her TWICE this year. I am learning to close my heart to those that I know will never give me the same kind of friendship that I long for. I'm learning that it's also OK to let people in, and not all people have cruel intentions. I thought a lot about the people I've met on LJ and Twitter, and wished, so many times, that they lived closer to me.

Materialistic, shmaterialistic. Sure, everyone likes *things*, and I admit to coveting peoples' things. But things don't mean much to me. Billy & I have these conversations all the time about being stripped of all the things that we have, and still loving our family just the same.
2010, you've been great, but bring on 2011, because it's going to be awesome.