Time is flying by. Too quickly.
Jake turned FOUR this past Saturday. I've been saying this for awhile now but I have no babies anymore. At least, not cooing, drooling ones in diapers. They'll always be my babies, no matter how old they are.
Yesterday though, while sitting at the pediatrician's office, listening to our Doctor relay all this positive information about my healthy boy, I wanted to cry. He's a CHILD now. Growing by leaps and bounds, and developing so quickly. But then he still wants 'squeezies' and he still loves (trying) to curl into my lap for love.
But time is flying by. Too quickly.
I'll have a middle schooler next year.
We went to Kai and Jewel's first school dance last Friday. Families and siblings were invited, so of course, Jake was out on the dance floor all night, break dancing (which is his new obsession, but more on that in another post).
Jewel and B had a father-daughter dance, and Jewel wasn't hesitant or embarrassed to pull him up off the bleachers for a dance. There was also a mother-son dance, and I was surprised when my sweet sweet 10 year old asked me to dance, even if he was a FIFTH grader, and in front of all his friends.
Jake started 'school' this past Wednesday. It's an hour-long, once a week Kinder-prep class at the local Rec center. My Mother in Law and I took him to school and we pressed our noses against the glass windows to just get a glimpse of him and see how he adjusted. He walked into the class like he owned it. Full of confidence and nurturing, that one.
I can't stop time. I can't stop my babies from growing up. I can't help but feel an overwhelming amount of anxiousness over it though. Lately, there have been so many moments where I just want to freeze time and stay in that moment forever.
B and I are still going strong, celebrating our 6th anniversary of our first date, on Jake's birthday. 6 years of bliss. It hasn't been perfect, but it's been better than anything I've ever known.
I listen to the radio while at work, and I catch myself smiling at all these songs because the lyrics are just PERFECT for how I feel about him, or because that particular song was on our 'wedding soundtrack' (our DJ made a CD of 20 songs from the music I requested he play during the wedding).
Lately, I've also heard songs that remind me of my Dad. Growing up, him and I were huge theater fans. We know EVERY song to Hairspray, Grease, and Phantom of the Opera. We LOVED Natalie Cole, Nat King Cole, and Stevie Wonder.
Dad needs to undergo more treatment. Either 6 more weeks of radiation or chemotherapy. We haven't been able to talk about his decision because the kids have been around. I want to cry and get angry because how is this fair? Both of my parents having cancer? I lost one to cancer, but I'm not going to lose both.
When did I become such a sap? crying at the drop of a hat out of pure LOVE for the people in my life? being unable to sleep at night for fear of time slipping away and not being able to spend more time with loved ones?
Oh, I know. Since I've had so much to love and so much to lose. It's a crazy thing, having so much but knowing it can be lost at any moment.
I was going to suggest to myself to stay away from blogging when I'm feeling extra emo, but then, I wouldn't be able to entertain you all with emotastic posts, right?
Wow, I already feel less crazy.
=)
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So where did I leave off?
The kiddos
Kai brought home straight A's on his report card. Is it bad to say that I expect that from him? He is doing amazing with baseball. It's so crazy to me to see him out on the field-almost as tall as me, with lean arms and a golden tan. When did he get so BIG?
He'll be in 6th grade next year which means Middle School! He is not a typical 10 year old and I want to keep him unexposed from all the gross and perverted things that I imagine he will be exposed to next year.
He's thinking about playing football in the Fall. His baseball schedule keeps him pretty busy already, but if he wants to play and he shows me that his grades don't drop, he is welcomed to play.
Jewel's grades are A's & B's. She still has a hard time focusing on things and gives up easily. B & I tag team her during homework, as we both are strong in different subjects. B helps her with Math, I help her with everything else. It seems to work, but there have been nights where we've sat there glaring at each other with impatience. She's definitely stubborn.
Even with struggle, Jewel's grades have been good so she's been able to stay in dance class. She was also interested in auditioning for the Spring theater workshop at her dance conservatory. She tried out originally for the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland, and she got a call back, but to try out for the Caterpillar instead. She was really nervous at her first audition and wouldn't sing even when they asked her, so I was honestly surprised that she was called back. Her 2nd call back went amazing and we were informed that she got the role of Caterpillar. Her workshop has been so much fun. She definitely fits the artsy theater 'type'.
Jake is totally disinterested in school/learning at the moment. He gets impatient when we cover the alphabet and numbers, most of which he knows. I think with his 'school' not being a formal school, the pace is a little slow for him. Of course, this makes ME stress out a lot, as I'm used to Kai & Jewel's personalities and attitudes toward school, but then I remember that each of them are completely different from each other. It's something I love about being their Mom. This kid is absolutely hysterical. He has a scratchy kid voice and the things that come out of his mouth are out of nowhere.
T-ball has started and Billy is Jake's team's coach. He had so much fun during first practice last Wednesday. Jake did not go to first practice, as he was feeling under the weather. This time of year wreaks havoc on the kids' allergies. We have a Mulberry tree in our front yard that's blooming right now, making matters worse.
B & I
I still love this man with all my heart. We've been so busy with the kids lately, with their hectic schedules, that we've made time as a couple to go out and enjoy each others' company. The other week was a Sushi date. We stayed at the restaurant for almost 2 hours, talking and trying new Sushi. This past weekend was a quick weekend trip to Knott's Berry Farm and Hollywood. We checked out the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, and Griffith Observatory. We went with my sister and her boyfriend, and with Katie and her hubby Mike. A friend of ours, Carli, came along also, and she met her boyfriend Alex, who lives in L.A.
There is a piece of a story that someone told me, years ago, and it still sticks with me. She said how she knows that she is married to the right person because she aches for him to come home from work, just to see his face and look into his eyes. That is exactly how I feel. He gets home or I get home, and we see each other and hug. He asks how my day was every single day when he hugs me-even when he knows all I did was stay home with Jakers and play, or if I had been at work all day, texting him all day my frustrations. I melt into his arms and I always think to myself that this is what I want, everyday, for my whole life.
Not that he doesn't absolutely drive me insane sometimes. But even when he does, I still love 'us'.
I love the time we spend together as a family, and I love the alone time with B also. Doing mini getaways has been a good way to refresh and rekindle for us.
Jobs
I love work. This school is awesome. We are going to be the first iSchool in Nevada, which means we are going to be technologically advanced. We have partnered up with Apple. The goal for next year is for every student to have an iPad among other items, to assist in the technological aspect of learning.
I had my review/evaluation last week, and it was a good evaluation. I was worried about budget cuts and employee shifting and me losing my part time position, but my boss has mentioned that she knows what she wants me doing next school year. Of course this is only what SHE wants and not a guarantee, but I feel better knowing my position still exists (right now). I feel very grateful to be employed part time and have 100% medical coverage costs taken care of by my employer. I feel very grateful that my schedule is flexible and allows me to have my own family as my first priority.
So with B's plant not operating, he has a few options. His bosses really, really want him to stay with the company, as they know he is valuable. The guy knows his stuff and is the only one in the company who can operate every piece of equipment while still managing to schedule cement truck, the batch plant, handle all safety regulations and inspections, and keep track of inventory and production. I redid his resume and even *I* was impressed. His current company has been persistent in offering him the position to run their main plant in Prescott, AZ, but right now moving there isn't an option (our parents, my Dad, etc).
This city has been hit hard with unemployment and the economy, obviously. A lot of friends and old coworkers have been laid off recently, or have been laid off for months and years, even.
It's scary. One day, all can be lost in a heartbeat. B & I always discuss the idea of us losing our house. Of course, that would be worst case scenario. Even if it were to ever happen, it wouldn't be the end of the world to us. We've already come to terms with the 'what ifs'. Material things are just that-I know that we wouldn't be losing what really means the world to me-each other, and our kiddos.
Racing
B is still very passionate about racing. We attend local dirt races A LOT, as spectators and of course as drivers. The kids have went with B to his races the past few times, while I've stayed home and soaked up the glorious peace and quiet. I even watched a few movies ALONE! He's won the past 2 races he's raced in.
I'm supposed to race my car this weekend, but it's all a maybe. Kai has ball practice and who knows what else may come up.
This Saturday is going to be VERY busy-our cars and our team cars will be on display at the Orleans Casino/Hotel for the Touch a Truck event. Then, we will drive 45 minutes out of town to race on the dirt track. It's going to be a long day for us all.
I won tickets to Nascar on the radio, so B & I took the kiddos. This was their first time experiencing a race in person instead of watching it on TV. They had fun, but there were also hiccups in the day like parking FAR away (but then having fun people watching on the shuttle to and from the car). It was hot and sunny for a bit (but then the sun hid behind the clouds and it was perfect weather). Some of the laps were boring as hell (but then my favorite driver won and we were all happy again!).
Not sure if the kids would want to go next year again, or if this one time experience was enough.
I would go again in a heartbeat. I love the hardcore fans. Their devotion to the sport and their driver is just parallel to someone having a passion for a sports team. I DO understand the redneck stereotype, but being at a race and seeing the diverse crowds really makes your realize that people from every walk of life enjoy everything about it. That's me. =) I thought it was amazing that I brought my sister to a pre-race event at the track a few days before Nascar, and even SHE enjoyed it. It's so much more than watching cars go around the oval.
Marry me, again
I had dreams of marrying B all over again, on the beach, at sunset. I had booked a photographer and made a date and time, for this September. Then we realized that September wasn't a good time to make plans for San Diego. B has his 10 year reunion in Colorado in September, and as class President, he is supposed to plan the reunion. That same weekend is the Demolition Derby event that HE and his team created. He's supposed to be there. His cousin that he is getting married at the end of August, in Colorado, and his parents will be attending. We really wanted our parents to be at the renewal, and that would be asking his parents to travel twice within 3 weeks. Also, with my Dad being on Chemo pill treatments, he's supposed to be in town until he has a clean bill of health. We are hoping for him to have this already, but we really can't determine that.
SOOOOOOO, our new plans are to have it here in Vegas, where more people are able to celebrate with us. Plans are still in the early stages but I'll be sure to keep everyone updated. The ideas we DO have already are funny as heck and will be so much fun!
I still want to marry him again on the beach at sunset, but he said we have our 10th anniversary, or our 15th, or 20th. He said he has no doubt that we will make it to those milestones. <3 So that's how we've been. Chugging along, as usual. Just living the best we know how. It's hard for me to watch the coverage on Japan. I'm not good with watching such tragedy and devastation and being unable to help as much as I'd like. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
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